Lazy Five Ranch

My friends Karen, Sarah and I decided we needed to have an adventure. Back when we first started hanging out three years ago, we were always doing something fantastic -- roller skating, attending monster truck rallies, combining Mad Libs and martinis, having Audrey Hepburn movie marathons followed by fully-costumed Holly Golightly monologue performances ("I'm not hotfooting it after Jose if that's what you think!").

These adventures were great, but it had been a long time since we'd had one. We recently resolved to fix this by going to the Lazy Five Ranch. It was going to be a safari adventure! Karen drove her jeep. Sarah stood next to it like a safari rock star. 

Lazy Five Ranch is one of those places where animals roam free, you tour their home safari-like in your car, feed them from the windows and then mosey on home. I thought it was going to be laid back, perhaps because it has the word "Lazy" in its name. I should have noted the "Enter At Your Own Risk" sign behind me.

We were first greeted by adorable little black pigs, who looked a lot like my dog Sunshine.

Then came the emus, llamas and cows. Emus are scary and prehistoric looking: very dinosaurs with feathers. Llamas are both adorable and aggressive. Cows? Cows do not take no for an answer. Did I have an experience in which a cow and emu simultaneously went after my feed bucket as I screamed, pulled away (their heads fully in the vehicle) and started to attempt to close the window? You bet I did. No animals were harmed during this time of screeching. They seemed Zen. Aggressively Zen (if that is possible) and very peckish (especially the emu, hardy-har-har).

It was good times. The Lazy Five Ranch gets your adrenaline pumping.

It also teaches you that there are lovely, gentlemanly llamas and sweet, long-lashed llamas and mean, jerky llamas who butt the lovely, sweet ones out of the way in order to get a snack.

The giraffes were the best. So majestic. So drooly. We made good use of the sunroof.

I don't know if you know this, but giraffes are really tall. And they have pretty eyes.

Speed limit five miles due to the zebra in the road.

Zebras are pretty.

 And yaks have their own beauty happening too. (This is a yak, right?)

Our visit to Lazy Five Ranch resulted in a close encounter with giraffe drool...

braving the beaks of emus...

and getting feed all over me and Karen's jeep.

And as you can see, it was fantastic.